The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
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The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
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you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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