Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
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