I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
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Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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