People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
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He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
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I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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