pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
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dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
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We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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