I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
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the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
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I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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