I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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