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i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
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