I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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