I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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