I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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