Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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