he referred to my room as the tit cave...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
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You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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