she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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