My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
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This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
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