Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I accidentally had phone sex last night
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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