I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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