i permit you to call me
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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