I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I am available for nakedness
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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