I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I can't turn off my feet"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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