I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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