Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
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i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
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we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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