how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
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I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
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Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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