fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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