I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
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My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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