I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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