god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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