And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
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Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
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Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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