If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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