hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
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Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
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I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I love you. Go after that dick
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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