youre lurking in front of me
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize