I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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