I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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