first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize