i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
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Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
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I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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