I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize