I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Randomize