You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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