i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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