I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
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It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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