I heard we made out
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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