Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My bed is full of blood and feathers
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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