I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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