And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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