I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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