Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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