don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
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Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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