Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize