My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Randomize