they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
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Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
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woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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